Before Hubby left for his meeting I swallowed hard and told him, “Don’t worry about us here at home. If something happens, we’ll be okay.” He looked at me like I was crazy. Maybe I sounded that way, but fear for him and his safety on the road had almost paralyzed me since the night before. I’d scanned one news story after another before bed last night, and I couldn’t help but superimpose his face on the latest victims. As I brushed my teeth, I mentally worked out what I’d do if an officer suddenly showed up on my front porch with news about Hubby. How would I tell the little people? Would I sell the house? Would I remove my purple scarf before flipping out on camera? Did I have a black dress that fit?
So, yes, by the time he was ready to walk out the door I was resolved to my life as a widow. And I told him so because I didn’t want him to worry. Yeah, right. I’m sure he was more concerned about me than I was about him when he backed down the driveway. Crazy.
But fear will do that. Fear drives people to do, think, and say rash things. It was true thousands of years ago with Pharaoh. He was afraid. He felt threatened. He wanted to show his imagined power as a god and he was willing to sacrifice the 600,000+ Israelites to do so. And it’s true today when people in authority are yet trampling on the rights and lives of others. I’m grateful my own fears finally drove me to the Bible and prayer. Studying the Old Testament with the little people reminded me: “And Moses said to the people, Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.” (Exodus 14:13, 14)
My God controls the hearts and minds of kings and queens. He moves the waters and stops the rain. He held the sun in place and will one day send the stars crashing to Earth. I don’t have to fear man because the Man on the cross already saved my life.
I’ve only recently gotten back to writing, and in the last few months it’s returned to the level of breathing for me, to where it once was. Now, I need to learn how to fit the writerly me in with the wife and mother I am now as well… I would love to get this and the gu/pinceasupdort it could provide!